User blog:Sidonia.Rein/Being Me.....?
I grew up in a VERY strict Roman Catholic family, so the paranormal was not spoke of too often. If it was brought up (usually by me) my nana would tell me that "it was just God's way of talking to you." Well...... after awhile I started to think otherwise when bad things were being shown to me mostly in my dreams. I wanted to talk about it but couldn't due to my religion. As time went on I began to notice that my family had some very odd "gifts from God" such as seeing things before they happened, making things happen, and making things stop happening. This was done through thought and nothing else. For years I tried to figure out what this could be. In the 1970's it was considered "witchcraft" or "devil worship" if you possessed any form of extraordinary abilities so I only discussed it with people I could trust. I kept these little secrets to myself for a very long time until I got married to be exact. My husband began to notice my abilities and mentioned it to his friends. People then began to approach me and ask me things to see how accurate I was. I thought nothing of it and just continued to be me. Well after awhile being me was not considered normal to some people and I made enemies because they feared me. I ended up dropping out of school when I was a freshman because too many people were offended by my abilities and assumed I would use them to harm others. I tried very hard to be "normal" and "fit in" with everyone else but that became impossible so I stopped trying. I had very few close friends and even less socialization. I began to curse this "gift from God!" It was then that my nana finally told me, "we were special and that we should NEVER wish that we didn't have our gifts." Gifts?? I don't know, according to my religion my gifts are a SIN! I am a sin because I can see, feel, and know what most don't. That is wrong in God's eyes so I ask myself, why? Why would God create someone with abilities that are a sin???? I'm just being who I am and who I am is wrong. What I see are lies and deception from Satan (according to biblical writings) what I know and feel are false thoughts and emotions being put into me from "demons"! So I ask, why is this happening to me???? If I am so special then why do I suffer mentally and emotionally? Battling with my own thoughts and actions everyday has become draining, trying not to be who I am has also brought on disorders that I now have to take medication for. Again this leads me to wonder why? Why is being me so bad? I think if I just stopped fighting and just be as I was meant to be I would feel so much better mentally, physically, and emotionally. But then the question is once I do this will I be damned and destined to go to hell? I believe there is a hell and a heaven and a higher power so what would you do????? Am I demonically oppressed or gifted by God? Category:Blog posts